Protected: Performativity of Motherhood (Butler)
Week 1: The Big Idea
I have been thinking about my study a lot. That is, I really want to look into how Becky and I connect. I first turned my gaze in this direction last semester two or so months ago, when I became scandalized by Deleuze’s work. Desire? Connections? I found his portrayal of humans rather vulgar, but I see his point. I think. At least, to some degree. It became evident to me after I “deconstructed” the “Don’t Hug Me I Am Scared” piece and “The Little Red Polo” piece that we humans search for connections and couplings. Constantly. I know it is my “duh” moment, but I never considered motivations behind these connections before. At least, not in any way worth remembering.
Now that I revisit my concluding thoughts at the end of Don’t Hug Me, I disagree that “there will always be a wall” between us. Until VERY recently I thought Becky’s autism will always be a barrier between our meaningful connections, but I now think I was wrong. Ironically, my autoethnographic narratives project opened a venue for both of us to talk and to understand each other better, so I now believe that “meaningful” connections are more attainable and certainly more common than I previously noticed. I suspect I simply remember my failed attempts at connections with her more.
I want to get to the bottom of this as much as I can because I believe my findings will add to the body of knowledge about autism. DSM V states about individuals with autism:
Frequently, there is a desire to establish friendships without a complete or realistic idea of what friendship entails (e.g., one-sided friendships or friendships based solely on shared special interests). Relationships with siblings, co-workers, and caregivers are also important to consider (in terms of reciprocity). (p. 54)
The DSM V advisory experts wrote this to inform diagnosis, and this paragraph describes Becky’s attempts to connect with others to a T, but I would like to think of this social deficit in terms of “speaking a foreign language” and “having a language barrier.”
I should know a thing or two about this. I learned English as an adult. I mean, I officially received the instruction from grade 4 to graduation, but I was far from fluent in comprehension and expression, written and oral. To pass my final exam, I memorized a 300-word essay about Canada and prayed the teacher does not speak to me in English. When I met my first American at the end the last year of high school, I was overjoyed. I mobilized all English words in my vocabulary to start a dialogue, but our communication was very limited. We both tried and failed. The experience was exhilarating and it left me wanting for more, but for a while I had to resort to acting, drawing, carrying a dictionary, and simply speaking Russian in hopes the other party will recognize a familiar word. Then there were years of not understanding cultural references and mishaps with pronunciation.
Definitely. I am going to look at how Becky and I connect. First, I need to figure out how she perceives “connection” to others.
Protected: The little red polo agent (thinking with Barad)
Protected: Asylum. (Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared). Deleuze
References
Quotes Arts-Based
For the research to be arts-based the chosen art has to be an integral and informative part of the process, producing knowledge otherwise inaccessible. (Suominen, 2003, p. 34)
Student Learning
Non-learning tends to take place when someone has to deal with unavoidable challenges to her or his personal and family loyalties, integrity, and identity. In such situations, there are forced choices and no apparent middle ground.
Kohl, 2017, p. 441
The Critical Pedagogy Reader “I Won’t Learn From You! Thoughts On The Role Of Assent In Learning” Chapter 22
ISBN-13: 978-1138214576
ISBN-10: 1138214574
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A student’s ability to manage learning tasks has been found to be as predictive of academic success as IQ.
Boller, 2008, p. 53
“From a neurological perspective, the frontal lobes are not fully developed until young adulthood, a developmental perspective that challenges our assumptions about “old enough.” Looking at organization as a developmental process helps us appreciate students’ different skill levels. There is general agreement that executive skills are sensitive to both genetic and environmental influences. Although each student is unique in terms of the learning process, environmental supports can help guide them. (…)”
“To design and implement educational supports we need to understand the processes involved in executive skills and become cognizant of their manifestations in the classroom.”
“Students who need help starting a task may look unmotivated but, in fact, may not know where to begin.”
Boller, 2008, p. 54