When my two oldest children were preschoolers, I often stopped and marveled: I am a mom? When did this happen? Time was a smooth, swift flow of days. My new identity as a mother was still being formed, like a new layer of skin.
Today, I refer to myself as the “mother of three,” but I am used to this idea now. It is a good feeling, just as good as the original one, just different. I do not take my motherhood for granted. I realize that I am who I am today because of my children.
It is getting more difficult to remember myself as a non-mother. I will always have that center–the “Me” who is genderless, cultureless, ageless, profession-less at the core. The me whose most powerful engine is curiosity, not fear or conformity. I am just as easily enchanted by the impressive angles If I could permanently exist in this state, I would. But I know I’d become lonely, and bored.
I never doubted I would be a good mother, and I always knew I wanted to have children.